Autistic Delusions

A few weeks ago My separated partner told me that she was being “courted” by someone. Over the next two weeks her contact with me dropped. I began to worry and started to have feelings of abandonment, which many autistics struggle with. I became more and more upset emotionally. Then, about a week ago, I was resting after my daily hike when I suddenly realized that I was seeing my life through delusional eyes. The delusion was that life has fairytale endings. My partner told me almost two years ago that she could not see how she and I would be able to have a physical intimate relationship since she is an NT and I am autistic. These were her words. I did not believe it, even after all those years of failure on my part. My delusion prevented me from seeing the truth.

My theory is that because I have difficulty with the Gestalt (the overall picture of an event), and due to my difficulty seeing someone else’s point of view, I could not generate a negative outcome. Thus, I generated a delusion that “love conquers all”! Silly me!

Now, I am more aware of what is realistic. My partner and I talk very openly about our lives and we do it in a way which is gentle and safe. She has explained to me that she and I may not be together as physically intimate partners, but that we are a “package deal”. We are a family.

I think that the point of this is to look at ourselves as honestly as possible. In that way we can avoid delusional thinking.

2 thoughts on “Autistic Delusions

  1. I have always needed lots of explanations about how relationships of any sort are “supposed” to work. I think it has to do with the fact that autistic thinking does involve getting all the details first and then trying to make sense of them. We are good at picking up clues, but putting them together might need help. I am not sure that is a delusion as much as it is a need for more explanation for most things that NT people seem to understand by intuition or instinct. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it seems to be part of being autistic, I have had a hard time with this all my life too. You are not alone! Just the way we were made, nobody’s at fault! Sending best wishes.


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